So...I'm a sexy motherfucker.
OK, I'm not ugly.
No, no I'm fucking not. But there are some questions to be asked when you look upon the last two years of my barren wasteland of a lovelife. It has been so long since my last relationship and well lets not talk too much about boob-touchage precentages (last time I studied by graph it contained some alarming results). So action needs to be taken, hot, sweaty action! Thusly I am taking the fight to the streets, literally and figurativally (more the latter). I am putting together a series of plans, each more fiendish than the last, from online dating to speed dating to well....this is my first blog so back the fuck up.
On here I hope to throw out regular updates on my progress and how close I am getting to that, which has eluded me for so long, someone to listen to why Clerks is the greatest film in the universe and why wrestling isnt gay, without finally calling me a gaylord (oh and regular sexiful fantastico).
So, PLAN A;
The Internet Dateage
I've started a new profile on a respectable online dating website. I say respectable and I do believe respectable despite it allowing me to search solely for "sex partners". But thats fine, I mean this is not where I'm going with the project and besides is there any girl...seriously, who would hook up with a dude ONLINE just for sex. Women could bone anyone at anytime. It is that power every woman has over a guy who is just desperate to put his penis into something, anything. But anyway I've started my profile. I've kept it witty and light. Its tricky not to let yourself come off as a egotistical dick-face when writing these things out but I think I got a nice mix going on. Only one problem, my profile photo. Now this is a tough one, I mean I've scrawled through oceans of bebo photos looking for something fun but not too fuck-ass like. Amidst the (albeit hilarious) vomit soaked photos of me, I found one which sorta kinda fit the bill. Me, sitting up against a wall, having awoke from a drunken slumber on someone's floor, giving the devil's horns and looking a litte rough around the edges. I'm going with it! Fuck it! So they see the real me, not some polished up fake piece of shit a lot of these people bandy about on this site to look pretty. Pretty, frankly, is overrated.
OK so, profile finished, in Homer's words, now we play the waiting game........
