Drive {Mega-Review}

Think about Rush Hour....now imagine a Rush Hour with a prettier, younger, less asian man...some like this...(right)

Thats right, Mark "The Man" Dacascos.


Now if you will, imagine no shrill, unfunny, irritating Chris Tucker but instead this man (left). Thats right, the guy from White Men Cant Jump.

Sound pretty good huh? Well try adding in:

1. Chainsaws

2. Hottie MacHot Hot (otherwise known as Brittney Murphy)

3. Karaoke

4. The best fight over sunglasses since They Live.

5. "Cheese-eatin' dick monkey!"

6. Walter The Einstein Frog

The story is set in a alternative universe where if someone is kicked, whether it be by martial arts expert or wise-crackin' barfly, it sends them hurtling through the air and into something large and painful. Dacasco is being hunted down by none other than Joseph Yoshinobu Takagi, thats right Mr. Nakatomi from Die Hard!! I feel a little less sympathetic towards him having his face shot off by Alan Rickman.
In any case, Dacasco proceeds to kick and punch his way through thousands of (seemingly unknock-outable) grunts on his way to LA to sell some kinda doohickey lodged in his chest that makes him super-brilliant. Along the way his picks up that dude from White Men Can't Jump who quips his way through every mess they get into and does he ever quip like a pro! I mean this movie has very very cool action and unlike movies like...oh I dunno THE MATRIX, it manages to fill in the gaps between the violence with some witty banter not boring exposition about stuff I couldnt give a fuck about.

Oh and before I leave you to seek out this film and have your balls melt over how awesome it is, I must mention the completely batshit crazy bad guy who is hired (initially) to kill Dacasco. Not only is every line he says pure nonsensical gold but he even has time to make some social commentary about the southern man's treatment towards the black man. Eat that Lynard Skynard.